A little song for the little sister on her 18th birthday. LYRICS
Thank God that mum and dad had sex...
On a specific night
at a specific time
in a specific position, when the mood was right
they had sex
And thank God that dad didn't wear a rubber...
So a specific sperm
and a specific egg
created in the process of meiosis
could make a little bubba.
And thank God that mum didn't give dad a gobby...
She might have swallowed Holly!
You're one in four hundred trillion, you're pretty much impossible
In fact it's so unlikely that you were even born at all
You're a miracle
And thank God that our grandparents and our great grandparents and our great great grandparents all...
met...
and then had sex
Everybody's here today to cheers that you're eighteen
all because historically the Joneses love the peen
we love the peen
You're one in four hundred trillion, you're pretty much impossible
In fact it's so unlikely that you're even here at all
You're a miracle
and I'm so grateful...
That our parents previous relationships all fell to shit
and they spontaneously both booked themselves a Melbourne trip
and on a specific day in a specific line
thank God that my dad caught my mums eye
and thank God that their love survived the distance
thank God they got married had a couple of kids and
thank God that years after having me
dad went and reversed his vasectomy
and thank God that they didn't throw the towel in at three
because there was one more missing piece in our family...
and thank God they had sex on that specific night,
because I think that with you it went specifically right,
yeah I think that with you we really got it right
and you couldn't be more perfect to me if you tried
and for some reason this part really gets to me
and I guess that it's because I've won the lottery...
You're one in four hundred trillion, you're pretty much impossible.
In fact it's so highly unlikely that you were even born at all,
and I'm not sure about fate or God, I dunno if that's true,
but I know that we all got pretty fucking lucky with you...
You're a miracle.
So thank God that mum and dad had sex!
-----
ALSO- I wrote this song the night before so messed up some of the lyrics, making the song scientifically very wrong in some places...the correct ones are above!
Holly- get lit. love your embarrassing big sis, Chels xx
0 Comments