I've been trying really hard to find new ways to express how I've been feeling lately and I feel like this helped. These types of videos won't happen a lot, but lately I've been feeling really stuck. I don't know who I am when I look in the mirror and it's a scary feeling. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm stepping out into the real world, maybe it's just me being an emo tumblr kid, or maybe it's a real issue. I've been losing passions I've had since I could remember, I've had a blueprint of what direction I've wanted my life to go, and lately, those parts of me that I knew so well were starting to die out. Because of that, I've been trying to find new hobbies, interests, tastes, etc, and making these corny artsy videos really makes me feel whole for once. No matter what, I've been trying really hard to recognize reality and how amazing it really is. I've been feeling really disconnected from myself and have been losing pieces of myself in ways I never imagined could happen, but now, I'm able to shine a brighter light on the corners of myself that I didn't see before, but knew they were there. I'm hopeful and terrified. The people in my life have made such a lasting impact on my life and this isn't even a quarter of them, and I can't even begin to express how grateful to find such lights in my life to help guide me to figure out who I am. I lost myself a lot this past year, and I think I'm starting to find myself, but it's hard to say with each day, each struggle, and each success. College is over, I'm about to move back home and find a career - in a field I'm not even sure I want to be in anymore - and I'm about to begin a whole new chapter, and I know this is going to be a big chunk of my story. I just don't know what I'm supposed to be, and I think I'm starting to be okay with that. Thank you for watching, understanding, and hearing.
I'll see you Wednesday.
Song: nuages
dreams
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